To My Father & The 'Other' Woman

Dear woman who left my family broken,

This letter has been a long time coming. For months I have felt anger, resentment and bitterness towards my father. 'He should've had the decency, the respect and the cop on to stay away from other women' I would tell myself over and over again. Yes, I still believe this to be true. How could he abandon his wife, his children and his dog? But you. Now I'm pointing a finger at you. You have gotten off far too lightly in my books.

Sometimes I wonder why my father. Why not go after someone single? Someone who was available. Someone who didn't have a family and a life elsewhere but then I remember. My father can be a charming man. He's funny, generous and will treat you like his whole world revolves around you. But wait, and you will see that things change. He changes. He has changed and changed. He is like a chameleon. He will change his personality like the switch of a light and the way he acts depends on the situation. You will see and I know, you will not be able to handle it. You will be gone, like a bat out of Hell.

Because that what it can be like, Hell.

Some say that there is an element of uncertainty about Hell. You will be tortured one day and the next you will be in paradise. This makes the torture all the more painful because you get a glimpse of what your life could be like. That's what it's like, living with a narcissist. One day is amazing, everyone is happy because they are happy. You feel as though you can finally let go then BAM. They snap and it feels like you're walking on egg shells around them again.

The more I think about it the more I begin to realise that I forgive you. I do not blame you for falling for my father nor do I blame him for leaving us for you. He is a narcissist, after all. He is charming and wonderful and makes it so easy to love him.

He is impulsive, destructive and uncaring. He loathes himself so much that he was willing to give up a family who loved him, who worshiped and adored him, who would do anything for him for you. That isn't love. That's self destruction, my dear.

So to both of you. I wish you all the best in your fucked up relationship. You're great for each other. I'm just glad my mother never has to deal with all my father's messed up problems anymore.

Best wishes,

Aileen, aka daughter of a narcissist

Looking Back On First Year

Today I want to talk about the best year of my life. This is a post I've been thinking and planning in my head for many months. It's a very important post for me, one that I think of dearly. While writing this I have felt many emotions - from happiness to sadness but mostly I feel blessed and extremely grateful for the time I got to spend in Corrib Village.

For someone like me, who has struggled with my mental health and general happiness from a young age, it means a great deal to say that I have spent the past year of my life in total and utter bliss. Last August, I was getting ready to head off to Galway to start my new life. I knew nobody. I was leaving behind my friends of 5+ years, my family and my (then) boyfriend to start afresh. It was terrifying. This, coupled with my extreme anxiety and fear of the unknown had me prepared for the worst year of my life. How wrong was I?



As I was packing up my things, 9 months on, I felt heartbroken at the thought that this was all over. How did it go so fast? I began to reflect, something that comes very easy to people who have anxiety. I started to think about David, and how last year we were so happy. There was so much upheaval and uncertainty with us and now, its all over. I hope he is happy. I hope one day we can be friends. Sometimes I miss him. We were great, but it just wasn't the time for us.

I started thinking about how last year, I had to leave my classes 4 or 5 times a day because I was having so many panic attacks. I couldn't go out with my friends because I was terrified of everything. I was too afaid to go to school. I was unhappy and I didn't realise the true extent of my unhappiness. Starting college brought back all these painful memories but I met so man wonderful people who made me feel comfortable enough in my own skin to let go of my worries and anxieties and just enjoy being myself. I want to thank my housemates, Brian, Barry, Aaron, (Scully) and Laura for being the first few people ever to make me feel this freedom. I am eternally grateful to them for all that they have done for me, without even knowing.

This year has allowed me to also be completely open about my mental health. In Donegal, where I'm from, a small number of people know about my anxiety, OCD and my past experiences with my mental health. In Galway I was more open about how I felt. I didn't feel like I had to hide who I was and this really helped my mental health to such an extent that I'm finally starting my journey of coming off my medication. I learned to love myself, stand up for myself and feel totally comfortable with who I am. I am happy with the person I am.

This year has been hard. My anxiety was very bad throughout the year with my break up with David and my parents awful separation which affected me A LOT, but thanks to Galway and the people I met in Corrib Village I was able to escape all these terrible things and just be happy. Despite all that happened throughout the year I have not one bad memory of my first year. I am so happy.

I don't think I would change one thing that happened. I have no regrets. I am delighted with the amazing people I have met this year. They have helped me in more ways they can ever imagine. I will always hold Corrib Village close to my heart and I will forever treasure the wonderful people I met and got to know during my time.




PS LAURA YOU'RE MY FAVE FOREVER 




My All-Time Favourite Body Moisturiser

I am OBSESSED with moisturizing my body. I have tried so many body butters, body creams and body moisturizers. You name it, I've morethanlikely tried it. Today I am revealing my all-time favourite. The one I reach for when I step out of the shower. The one I apply before I tan. The one I grab when my skin is feeling dry. Or even, just when I want to smell so delicious.

**Drum roll please**

Introducing: Soap & Glory's Butter Yourself


Butter Yourself is an 'ultra-nourished fruity liquid' which comes with a pump top which is one of the many things I love about this moisture lotion because it's a lot less messy. The consistency of this lotion is thick, making it feel all the more luxurious when applying. It has 'melt-while-you-massage' cocoa and moringa butters which helps it to soak in quickly, allowing you to get dressed without that horrible sticky feeling. Butter Yourself helps lock in moisture and leaves your skin feeling silky smooth.

And the smellllll. It's heavenly. *Grabs bottle and sniffs*

The scent is similar to many other Soap & Glory products with and emphasis on fruitiness, thanks to the 'frozen yuzu, orange oil, green fig and jungle pomelo essence'. This lotion is perfect for summer because it smells very tropical (but remember it has no SPF so be sure to add some yourself!)

Using Butter Yourself is an important step in my skin care routine. It leaves my skin feeling moisturized and soft all day long and the smell lingers around me until it's time for bed. I absolutely love this product and I can guarantee you will to!

// You can buy Butter Yourself here for £10/€11.70 //




SheIn Wish List | Summer Outfit Guide

I've talked a lot about Romwe on my blog but I rarely mention the other gem that is SheIn. SheIn is very similar to Romwe, with many of the same clothing items but I like to switch it up between the two to make sure I'm getting the prettiest clothes possible!

Today I decided to put together a little Summer inspired outfit that is easy to wear, and is perfect for both daytime and evening wear. I hope you enjoy!


This outfit is right up my street. This Yellow Ruffle V-neck dress is absolutely perfect! I love the bright yellow colouring and the fact that it is slightly peplum. I think it's so cute and girly without being too child-like. The V neck gives it a level of elegance. I just think that this dress is soooo perfect for summertime.

I decided that these sunnies would be perfect due to their gold rim. I thought it would pair perfectly with the brown toned Mary-Janes and Vintage Buckle bag. 

I absolutely love this outfit and I honestly can't wait to get some cash in my back pocket so I can shop this look!

Shop this look:

Yellow Ruffle V Neck Backless Drop Waist Dress

Curved Cut Vamp Brown Mary Jane Flats

Gold Rounded Fashion Sunglasses

Coffee Vintage Buckle PU Bag

                  
*I am part of the SheIn Publisher Program, which includes affiliated links.

Why I'm Struggling With My Blog . . .


Recently I've been feeling very inspired. I've made lists upon lists of blog post ideas and I've taken pictures of everything I need to write about. Everything is ready to go, so what's stopping me?

I know that I'm not the best blogger. My photos aren't crisp and beautiful. I make spelling and grammar mistakes. I forget to tweet and post on Instagram for days and days and I am terrible at keeping up with fashion and beauty trends. However, despite this I truly love blogging. It is something that always keeps me going. It keeps me inspired and in touch with myself.

These pasts few weeks though, I've felt very down about it. I feel as though I put so much effort into my little cyber space and for what? I feel as though everyone is proceeding with their blogs and moving forward and I'm stuck in a rut. My views are dropping and even though this is only a small factor in weighing up your blog's worth, it is still disheartening.

I just don't understand why things are slowing down for me. I still love blogging. I love the whole process of it. It helps me remain positive, but when you're putting so much into something you love, and getting nothing in return, it's hard to stay motivated.